Category Archives: Rants and Ramblings

Party for Three

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Another post from my drafts… man am I chicken? I’m often said to be divulging my experiences candidly and yet some of my thoughts are shrouded in secrecy? Marked as draft, my posts lie in wait for me to hit the publish button.

Publish button initiated.

In our single, living together days we were the couple who hosted parties. Single friends gathered until the early hours of the morning. Some even woke from a drunken stuper on our couch the next afternoon; not quite my idea of fun times. Rousing from our carefree whimsy, we knew the time was right to get married and turn our twosome into three.

After two years of marriage, and lots of practice–hehe–we were blessed with Lovebug. Thrilled, we kind of expected everyone else would be too. Parents-to-be, we couldn’t carry on partying, but we weren’t dead either. I’m sure you’ve heard of a little thing called fetal alcohol syndrome? But just because I wasn’t out drinking didn’t mean I couldn’t still have a good time. To me, life isn’t all about cocktails.

My pregnancy was awesome. You hear lots of women complain and say they want to get it over with, but I LOVED being pregnant; it agreed with me. Yeah, in the beginning I had some morning, noon, and night sickness–about 4 weeks of it–but big deal. It was totally worth it. I went about my normal activities which included going out to bars–as the DD. I didn’t party my a$$ off, of course, but I could still hang out and have a good time. I knew once the baby arrived I’d be out of the bar scene for some time. So, I enjoyed my single, childless friends while it lasted.

While it lasted, indeed. Single, baby-free friends were suddenly a thing of the past once Lovebug joined our family. They dropped like flies. It was to be expected… somewhat. I can honestly say I tried to salvage the relationships, but what do we have in common now? And we’re certainly not hanging out in bars (you all know the story of Lovebug refusing the bottle.)

Though we’re still friends–okay, maybe it’s turned into acquaintances–with many of our single, child-free cohorts, we’re reduced to a facebook shout out, text messages, or a phone call if we’re really lucky.

Sometimes it saddens me, but I understand that we’re on different paths. I hesitate to say it, but maybe some friends are meant to come in and go out of your life? If we’re following the fourth definition of dictionary.com they refer to a friend as “a member of the same nation, party, etc.” If this is true, then we can hardly say we’re members of the same group, anymore.

I can’t say I don’t miss them. My life is better for having known them and I’m shaped by my experiences with them. I wouldn’t change my course, but if I could, I’d merge my then life with my new existence. I guess you can’t have your cake and eat it to, but I’m not sure why. Until then, I’ll enjoy my party of three!

It’s Who I Am

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I’m a stress case.

You ask me why I’m so stressed. Is it a rhetorical question? Before I can utter a word you respond with “You have nothing to worry about.”

You don’t even know. Worry. I torment myself daily with a million things. And you wonder why I’m stressed?

I’m not a laid back person. I never have been. I don’t just “go with the flow”. I’m always on edge; Type-A. I can’t help it. I try not to be.

It’s who I am.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Motherhood is something I dreamt of since I can remember. I wouldn’t change my new status, not ever, but I’m getting used to these new shoes. Since having Lovebug, I view things a lot differently. I am a mother, now.

This new role has me waking with thoughts about my daughter, everything I do during the day is for her and about her, and I fall asleep at night worrying what the next day will bring. It’s 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Today, this very moment in life, I worry. Of course, why should today be any different? At the moment I knew I’d conceived, my heart filled with worry. I will worry till I die.

It’s who I am.

Wait, what? A Month of…

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Hell Jet-setting around the country. Wake me up when September ends. Wait, what? It hasn’t even begun?

Okay, let me previse this by saying that while I’m looking forward to each event this month, it is a crazy, busy, hectic fun month.

Many of you know that my husband is in fireworks and the busy season is the fourth of July, of course. Not to say that there isn’t anything going on the rest of the year–high school shows, New Years, Super Bowl, etc…– but in our household it’s obscene how busy my husband is gearing up for the fourth. So, once that passes we’re usually in the clear for a little while–free from huge business projects–to enjoy some down time. But, this year? We haven’t stopped moving.

Even our down time is anything but. Since propelling back into normal life, we’ve been on two RV trips, vacationed with my husband’s father’s family, and taken a quick weekend jaunt to the beach house. Now, we’re gearing up for a wedding and a business trip to Seattle with a fishing/cabin camping trip thrown in between the two.

I’m not complaining! Really. I do know just how lucky I am to have the opportunity to travel and see places that I might not otherwise. I’m merely saying I feel as if I’m not getting to ‘stop and smell the roses’ through any of it. It’s almost like I’m having an out-of-body experience while moving through scenes of my life. I want to stop and take it all in, but I feel like I’m rushing to get to the next place or prepare for the next trip.

I’m a bit anal retentive, therefore I must have all of my ducks in a row… luggage packed, itinerary solidified, baby in hand, and dog and cat cared for. You get the picture. Fortunately, Lovebug is a trooper when it comes to travel, so other than packing–I tend to way overpack for her–it’s pretty easy to shuffle her around. I just commit when I can around her schedule.

I guess I never expected her first year of life to be so jammed full of fun whisking off around the country. The first year we settle down and have a baby and want to enjoy said baby we’re zipping through life at mach speed. I kind of expected to do some sitting around with her reveling in all things baby. Best laid plans, right?

And just because the calendar isn’t packed every weekend like September doesn’t mean we’re slowing down, not. a. chance.

Crazy Momma Dreams

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I don’t know about you, but I’ve been having crazy baby dreams starring my Lovebug almost every night. Reoccuring are the dreams of my little girl walking. It’s crazy, but it seems every time I nod off I dream that’s she’s walking; at four months! 

She’s always four months in my dreams. Weird. Just last night I dreamt of her saying her first word… ice cream. Or maybe that would be her first two words?

I’ve posted recently about her growing so fast, wondering if I’m rushing her with my excitement to move through stages. It’s really a catch 22. I LOVE the newborn stage and sometimes wish it had lasted A LOT longer, yet I’m really enjoying watching every new challenge she takes on and eventually masters. But what I can’t understand is why I’m having these crazy dreams of her moving on and growing up all the while staying four months.

My subconscious is a crazy thing!

 

What’s In a Name?

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A name. In many cases it defines you. Hell, you can even look up the meaning of your name. You live with it forever–unless you change it–and above all, it’s your identification.

Even before I got pregnant, the hubs and I had a name picked for our little girl–if we had one–and it was instantly agreed upon. The boy name? A little bit trickier, but we gave it a lot of thought and it held special meaning. After all, shouldn’t a name be well thought about if it’s going to identify your beloved offspring?

Okay, so we found out we were having a girl. Wonderful. There was no question about her name… Lovebug! Like I said, we had talked about it since forever and we just knew this would be her name. So why then are people insisting on a nickname?

I know plenty of people who have them. Some cute, some shortened versions of a longer name, some given by frat friends, and some just plain, well, dumb. I’m not totally against them. In my later years, I’ve had friends who’ve shortened my name, Melissa, to Mel or M as a sign of affection and friendship.

So, I said I’m not totally against nicknames, but if you try and shorten my daughter’s given name you’ll get the death stare from me. Why? Why? Because a lot of love went into naming her and she’s not Lovey or Buggy, she’s Lovebug. So don’t even think about it!

I’m prepared that one day she might want a nickname. But, I assure you the hubs and I will always call her by her given name. And, when we’re really mad, we just might use all three! But, for me–I’m pretty sure the hubs feels the same way–her name is special. It’s beautiful just the way it is and a lot of love went into deciding on that name for our special little girl.